How do you repay a debt that can't be repaid?

(Day 28 came and went, but I haven't been able to finish writing this post... there is so much to say and so few words that can really say it...)

This is it. Day 28... Wow. Really? Already?

I've been thinking this last week about how to say "thank you" and how to repay the debt that I owe to my teachers, to Ellen, to my friends and family who never wavered in their support for me... How do you repay a debt that can't be repaid? The depth of gratitude I feel humbles me in a way that I have a hard time articulating. My life is fundamentally different than it was 28 days ago... I am different. I began these 28 days with the word "fearless" tattooed on my heart. And I never could have pushed myself to explore what that means in my life without the constant vigilance of the beloveds in my life. My friends and teachers (who are all really one and the same) created a wide open space for me to push what I thought where the boundaries of who I am, to take leaps of faith and fall off cliffs, to fall apart and pull myself together again, to be completely broken... and then remade. How do I say thank you for that?

To my teachers at the studios:
How can I thank Natalie for being an exquisite model of grace and beauty? How can I thank Hilary for the gentle, warm encouragement that touches my heart at the very moments when I am most vulnerable? How do I thank Susie for the gift of her spirit and generosity of heart? How do I thank John for modeling commitment and perseverance? How do I thank Jason for being the kind of man who brings the best out in me? How can I thank Elizabeth for her quiet and unassuming strength that sets the bar so very, very high? How do I thank Claudine for teaching me that workouts can be fun as well as kickass? And Ellen... how do I thank Ellen? I am at a complete loss for words...

The opportunity that Ellen gave me is the kind that people dream of being offered... the opportunity to remake themselves. We can all do it - truthfully we could all do it at any time - but Ellen saw me, right where I was, as I was... struggling, fighting for something more from myself - and made a safe space for me to do that work. She committed her time and invested her heart in the work of me. What words are there to possibly express my gratitude?

And everyday my beloved friends and family were (and are) my greatest cheerleaders and believers. I cannot even describe the feeling of waking each day knowing in every cell of my body that I am absolutely loved with a ferocity that could light the world. It is humbling to be loved that way - by the mother who gave me life, the daughter who makes my life worthwhile, and the friends who make the days of my life full to overflowing.

So, how do I repay a debt that cannot be repaid? I'll have to pay it forward. I'll have to bring my whole self and full heart to everything that I do and share what I have with anyone who needs it. Some days I will fall short. And I'll miss the mark. And when I do, I'll look back on these 28 days and be inspired to keep working... pushing... growing. My friends, family and teachers will be there.