Tough Days Don't Last Forever

Rereading some of my posts makes me cringe. I can be really hard on myself and as one friend who loves me a lot pointed out, "You wouldn't let me talk about myself that way." Then she asked if I was a closet perfectionist. :-) The only one I expect perfection from is me. Which presents a fairly big problem as I am most certainly not perfect and will never be. In fact, when I really think about it, perfection doesn't really seem all that fun or interesting.

And I caught myself in the mirror this morning and thought, "Hey, cutie." That's new. And fun. And about damn time. I was mulling over the heartache from yesterday and trying to digest all the loving and supportive advice from my friends and realized that I am surrounded by people who want me in their lives. Whether I lose weight or not, whether I work-out or not, whether I fit into those smaller clothes or not. They hold a place for me to figure what I want for myself, not asking me to be something other than just what and who I am. I'm held up everyday by people who offer me glimpses into how they see me... and frankly, she's pretty amazing.

So, I think it's about time for me to sift through some of those old tapes rattling around in my head about who I am. Many of them that are complete garbage. These 28 days are so much more than about changing my body - and I want all that comes with work. I'm asking for this change and I'm up to the challenge of letting go.

Ellen said to me in our last session, as I'm sitting the wall and my quads are burning "This isn't happening to you, Zephyr. You are making this happen. You are asking for this. " She's right. I want this. I'm in charge. My body is my ally and we're working together, a team. That's a pretty powerful feeling. I'm not a victim of the burn in my muscle when I push to the limits - I asked for that, I made that happen. As for the tapes that play like background music in my head, well, I'm in charge of those, too. I'm gonna turn up the volume so I can hear them clearly and burn the ones that don't serve me. There will be days like yesterday when that's hard to do, but luckily, tough days don't last forever.