I don't want to feel my f@$%in' feelings!

So, here's something fun that I didn't think about before I started this 28 days. Or maybe I thought about it and chose to ignore it. Either way, here's the thing: when you are an emotional eater - for me it's chocolate and muffins, who knows why - you eat when you feel things that make you uncomfortable. Frankly, I would eat those things when I didn't want to think about things that make me uncomfortable either. Well, when you take away those food crutches and no longer have the distraction of food to keep your mind and heart busy with processing the extra calories, you have to feel stuff. LOTS of stuff. LOTS of uncomfortable stuff. It's like taking the all the extra crap out of the room of mirrors and all you're left with is you and the mirror. Ouch.

I've been trying to use exercise as a substitute food - the pain in my body keeping me distracted from having to think or feel things - but here's the other nasty little secret: your body stops hurting. That physical distraction wains and I'm left with... well, myself and the mirror. Though I could be talking about an actual mirror, I'm really talking about the metaphorical mirror. The "me" that I can't escape anymore. She and I have to deal with each other. Honestly. And now. No more "later". No more hiding behind the distraction of food and relationships and the stuff that I can always find to keep me busy.

I've passed on the chocolate and the muffin. "Stay stonger, sister" I keep telling myself. I have survived so damn much, I refuse to give in the fear of seeing myself clearly, honestly... No amount of chocolate will ever make me feel the way learning to love who I am will...