And this one hurt. It started it out fine. I woke up excited for spin (as always) and class was great (as always). I felt great - about the way my body and I worked together during spin, the way I looked in my smaller size clothes, the way I have commited and stuck with my new eating plan - but it didn't last all day. Ugh.
I realized that I have used my weight as a way to protect myself from hurting. From being hurt. From the sting of lonliness and rejection. And as I have shed the pounds and changed the shape of my body, the sting of feeling unwanted is so much more intense. I can't hide behind my weight anymore.
I refuse to run to food anymore. I can't use the chocolate, the muffins, the extra calories to cover up that pain anymore. I just have to sit with it. So here I am... sitting with it. And it hurts. But I'll survive it and I want to be stronger for having sat through it. I'll get to the otherside. And I'll be different for having made different choices.
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